


open my heart right at the scars

by myfavouritesweater



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, dont worry ian lives, he wouldnt let him die lets be real, of course mickey is pleased about that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-17
Updated: 2014-11-17
Packaged: 2018-02-25 16:46:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2629028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myfavouritesweater/pseuds/myfavouritesweater
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's 8AM when Mickey finds out. </p><p>
  <i>"Ian got hit by a car this morning."<i></i></i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	open my heart right at the scars

It's 8AM when Mickey finds out.

Mandy bursts through his door, tears streaming down her face, and for a split second, he turns to tell her to fuck off, too tired for her shit.

"Ian got hit by a car this morning."

He can barely hear her at first, she's crying so hard. It's as though everything in his body freezes to the core, cold sweat instantly settling at the base of his neck. He lies there, face down where Mandy had found him, and let his mouth fall open. He doesn't say anything.

He shuts his eyes again, squeezes them so hard he could almost convince himself it was a dream, but he can feel the weight of Mandy next to him, and hear her cries bouncing off his bedroom walls. Pretending isn't going to make it go away. It still happened.

"He alright?" He chokes out, pretending that the answer to his half-hearted question couldn't potentially change his life forever.

"He's alive, if that's what you mean," She sobs. Mickey lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding. His body relaxes a little, but he still feels cold.

"You seen him? He beat up?" He asks. Mandy just shrugs and splutters a little, and he lets her lie down next to him on the dirty sheets, stroking her hair out of her eyes and patting her fragile shoulders.

She gives him a tiny smile, cheeks stained with running mascara, but he can't return it. He nods to her instead, and she looks grateful as she closes her eyes, but he knows he's not holding her here for her sake.

No, he's keeping her close to her for far more selfish reasons. With Gallagher half dead somewhere and Mandy broken in his arms, he realises he doesn't really care about anyone else. If he lost the two of them, he probably wouldn't need to be around anymore.

* * *

 

When Mandy manages to haul herself out of his bed, she drags Mickey along with her, one hand in his and the other holding a phone to her ear. She's speaking very quickly and very softly to someone, sniffing loudly as she goes. Eventually, she makes a noise of understanding, and the next thing Mickey knows, he's out of the door and down the street.

"Where the fuck are we going?" He snaps, even though he knows the answer.

"Ian's unconscious. I want to see him," She replies. She charging off ahead of him, two steps for each of his own, and he's racing to keep up. She keeps reaching up to wipe her face, but he pretends he doesn't notice.

"And I gotta be here for that?"

Mandy stops and turns for him, distraught look on her face. Mickey immediately regrets saying it. He doesn't want her to send him home again. He does need to be here for that. He wants to see Ian as much as Mandy does, if not more.

"Yes," She says, half pleading. Mickey doesn't need persuading. "I can't take the Gallaghers by myself, not like this."

He acts like the whole trip is a burden the whole way, but he finds himself slowly overtaking Mandy as they near the hospital, subconsciously racing towards Ian, desperate to make sure he's still breathing for god's sake.

It doesn't take long for them to find the ward. Mandy recites his name and a series of numbers, and then they're up two flights of stairs, along a corridor, and face to face with stricken-looking Gallaghers.

"Sorry I didn't come sooner," Mandy says immediately, flinging herself at Lip. He pulls her in easily, resting his chin on her shoulder, but he's staring at Mickey. He doesn't look angry or confused. Just a little surprised, maybe.

"What's Mickey doing here?" Carl asks loudly. Fiona smacks him around the back of the head tiredly, but still turns to him expectantly. Mickey just shrugs and nods vaguely at Mandy.

"Can I see him?" Mandy asks hopefully. Lip turns to Fiona. Fiona turns to a closed door. She bites her lip.

"He's not really - I don't think you'll like it," She stammers out. Debbie starts crying behind her, and Mickey wants to throw up.

"I'll go with her," He says quickly.

They all turn to him, looking at him as though he's crazy. Lip nods to him, silent and understanding, and his veins flood with panic as it dawns on him that he must know.

"It's supposed to be just family-"

"Let him go, Fi," Lip mutters, pulling her away from the door. She looks at him in bewilderment as the Milkoviches slip through the door, but he places a hand on her shoulder, holding her back.

Mandy starts crying as soon as she sees him. Mickey can't even look. He closes the door behind them and stands with his back to Mandy and Ian, eyes focused on the small window. He can see the Gallaghers through the blinds, but they can't see him. They're speaking animatedly to each other, Fiona's brow never smoothing.

"Oh, Ian," She whispers through tears. The machines are beeping, slow and steady, and he can hear some kind of robotic breathing. Ian's still alive.

Eventually, he turns around. It's both better and worse than he's expected.

He has a mask covering half his face, presumably to help his breathing, but Mickey can still see the damage. One of his eyes is swollen shut beneath a deep cut across his forehead. His cheeks are puffy and peppered with little scratches, half of his bottom lip covered in butterfly stitches.

His body is mostly hidden by tubes, bandages and sheets, but he can see the broken arm and tight dressings around his rib cage. His upper chest and collarbones are scattered with deep purple bruises and scratches, but one stands out in particular.

Beneath his left ear, half way down his neck, is a faded red mark, standing out amongst the other welts. Mickey had left it there just last night, after they'd wrestled and called each other names and grinded against each other in the dug out. Ian had kissed him, and he'd kissed back. He felt like things were changing.

But now Ian was broken. Things were changing, but far more drastically than he could have anticipated. He was losing the first real thing he'd ever had hold of.

"Who hit him?" He snaps without thinking. He can't help him. The thought of someone hurting Ian sends flames up his spine.

"They don't know, it was a hit and run," Mandy says quietly. She runs her fingers gently up and down Ian's bare arm. Mickey clenches his fists.

"If I find out who it was, I swear to god..." He threatens, shaking his head. Mandy turns to him, eyebrows slightly raised in shock.

"Really?" She says. Mickey looks at her blankly. "You close to Ian?"

Mickey hesitates slightly. He looks at Mandy, confused and hurting, and he looks at Ian, busted up and bruised in a hospital they can't afford, and he doesn't have the energy to pretend anymore.

"I know him well enough to know that some piece of shit driver isn't going to get away with this," He mutters, not meeting Mandy's eyes.

He moves to stand next to her, looking down on Ian's shut-down body. He acts like he's there to comfort her, to hold her hand while they try and heal all this.

She turns into his chest, closing her eyes against his neck, and Mickey rests a hand on her back.

Once he's sure she's still and buried in his shirt, he reaches out to brush a hand against Ian's lax knuckles. He's warm. There's still time.

* * *

 

Mickey goes back to the hospital every day.

For the first few days, he's with Mandy, hovering in the background and only ever touching him when no one is looking. Sometimes, they'll arrive when one of the Gallaghers is in there, stroking his forehead and talking to him, as though he might hear them 10,000 leagues under the sea.

Mickey rolls his eyes as he watches from the corner, grunts in reply when they ask him if he wants to speak to Ian. They exchange confused, annoyed looks, clearly wondering what the fuck he's doing there, but he just waits for them to leave.

In the rare moments he's left alone in the room, he jumps to Ian's side, watching the boy uneasily.

"I, uh, watched some crappy army movie last night," He tells him, one evening when Mandy and Debbie have gone to get coffee. He's met with mechanical beeping. He feels kind of stupid, but he takes a deep breath, and continues anyway. "Reminded me of you, I guess."

Even though Ian can't respond, and Mickey's voice sounds too loud and too fragile and too ridiculous in the silent room, it makes him feel better. He even tries brushing Ian's hair back, like he'd seen Fiona do, and it was like getting high and coming down all at once. His fingertips burn for the rest of the day.

About a week after the accident, Mandy can't make it to the hospital. Mickey nudges and questions her, trying to get her to the hospital without making it obvious that he needs to see Ian, but it doesn't work.

For the first time, Mickey goes to see Ian alone. He doesn't feel as scared as he thought he would. There's no real opportunity for awkwardness - Ian can't respond, no matter what sappy shit Mickey says - so he just tries to soak it in.

He likes to be close to Ian. He likes to sit in the chair next to him and just think or read or fuck about on his phone while Ian breathes next to him. Sometimes, he finds himself dozing off in the chair, one hand resting next to Ian's on the mattress. 

Sitting in there alone doesn't really occur to him as odd until Carl and Fiona come in, cradling some wilted flowers and a bunch of balloons. They both stop, still, staring at the Milkovich boy watching over their brother. For a moment, they look scared.

"If he owes you money or some shit, it can wait for another time," Fiona says darkly. Mickey feels a sharp stab somewhere in his stomach.

"That ain't what I'm here for," He grunts, turning back to Ian. He knows he probably has to leave soon, now. He knows Fiona and Carl don't want him around as much as he doesn't want them around.

He doesn't really know whether to say bye or not. Mandy usually kisses his forehead while Mickey stares at the door and pretends he doesn't want to do the same thing. He sure as shit isn't going to do it with Gallaghers watching.

"So what are you here for?" Fiona demands. Mickey turns to her, and he can't even bring himself to feel pissed off. She looks tired and fraught, the anger in her posture crumbling to reveal the panic within. She's just trying to defend Ian. He knows the feeling.

But what does he tell her he's here for? He's used to the owing money excuse, has fallen back onto it a million times, but it's too weak now. Does he just tell her the truth? He knows he can't. He can't even tell himself.

His mind wanders over their past, starting from the baby-faced little ginger bursting into his room (and his life) and effectively never leaving. He doesn't even think about the fucking that much, even though that's most of the memories they share. More recently, they'd been hanging out without even touching each other, telling each other shit and watching TV together. Ian's probably gone from the kid he hated to his best friend.

"He's - fuck. He's my friend, alright?" He says eventually. Fiona looks at him skeptically, but she also looks too exhausted to argue with him. 

"Sure," She sighs. "You can see him tomorrow. They said they might bring him out of the coma."

Mickey can feel his eyes light up, and for a moment, he feels embarrassed. He wants to get out of there, but he doesn't want to leave Ian. He nods at Fiona, awkward silence stretching between them, until Mickey gives a soft "bye, Ian," and shuffles out the door before he has time to feel embarrassed.

When he tells Mandy he might wake up tomorrow, she starts crying, mascara staining the cheeks she's spent all week trying to keep clean. She sets her alarm for 6:30 and makes Mickey sleep on her floor.

Mickey stares at the ceiling until the sun comes up.

* * *

Waiting for Ian to wake up is more painful than the entire week has been. The whole fucking Gallagher clan is there, with Kev and V holding each other nervously in the waiting room. Fiona doesn't stop tapping her foot the entire time, and Carl's so pale he looks like he may disappear under the fluorescent lighting.

They inform the family that they're bringing him out of his coma now, reminding them that his brain may not be in the same state as it was before. They glance skeptically at the large party, but Fiona's too strong for their shit, and they all pile into his room within seconds.

Mickey's biggest fear is that the force of the injury has knocked all memory of him out of Ian's brain. They'd told Fiona in a gentle voice that memory loss is a common side effect, but that likely wouldn't affect her.

He would remember his family. He would probably even remember Mandy, from classes together and running in the same circles.

But Mickey. Mickey was trash before Ian touched him. He was the filthy teenager who robbed the Kash n Grab and screamed obscenities. He still is, really, but at least Ian learned to love him for that. He doesn't think he'll be able to convince him again.

Mandy takes his hand as they stand around his bed, the two of them relegated to the far side, half-hidden behind medical equipment and bleeping machines.

He can feel the tension in the room. They're all holding each other, whispering nervously, watching the nurses fuss over Ian with bated breath. They're removing tubes from him and inserting new ones, hovering around him expectantly for what feels like hours.

Finally, Ian's eyes flicker open, blinking rapidly at first, then opening so wide they look as though they're going to roll out of his head. He blinks dizzily a few times, trying to lift his arms, before Fiona rushes forward to help the nurses hold him down.

She's crying with this huge smile on her face, talking very quickly in a gentle, enthusiastic voice. Mickey turns to glance at the rest of the room, and he can see their faces mirror hers. He thinks he must look pretty morbid in comparison - he can't get his hopes up yet.

Ian looks around the room tiredly, eyes half open, his eyebrows screwing up slightly in confusion. He opens his mouth to say something, presumably to ask where he is, but then he meets Mickey's eyes.

His mouth forms a droopy smile, eyes sliding shut with the effort.

"Mickey," He slurs. Mickey's heart drops into his shoes, while simultaneously beating so hard it might be about to shoot out of his mouth.

He sneaks a look at the rest of the room. Even some of the nurse looks shocked.

"I'm here," He nods. He feels horribly awkward. Debbie's mouth is hanging open slightly, Kev and V exchanging incredulous looks.

"I knew he loved me," Ian tells one of the nurses. She fusses around with his IV and gives him a warm smile, but she's the only one.

The rest of the room is caught somewhere between shock and disbelief.

"You love him?" Fiona splutters.

All eyes are on him, staring him down, waiting for an answer. He knows they're waiting for him to flip out. They know about Terry. They know the Milkovich attitude towards gay men.

Except he's a Milkovich in love with the Gallagher kid. He's attitude towards gay men is pretty fucking positive.

"I dunno," He shrugs, pinching his bottom lip nervously. Mandy makes a tiny noise in the back of her throat, like she's dying or something, but no one says anything.

Mickey turns back to Ian, who's studying the whole situation with a vague look on his face; not happy and not sad. When their eyes meet, he smiles. It's sloppy and he winces when it pulls on his stitches, but Mickey feels like he's just looked directly into the sun. He can't see anyone but the ray of light beaming from the hospital bed.

"Hi," Ian says quietly. Mickey steps closer.

"Hey, Gallagher," He mumbles.

"I missed you."

"I been his this whole time," Mickey admits, cheeks burning with the confession. Ian reaches blindly for his hand, and Mickey's an idiot, so he lets him hold it.

"Yeah, but I haven't," He tells Mickey sadly. He seems pretty fucking out of it, so Mickey just shakes his head.

"Sure you have," Mickey reminds him. He can feel the weight of dozens of eyes heavy on his back, waiting for him to fuck up.

"How long have I been here?" Ian asks him. Fiona jumps to his side to answer, but Mickey gets there before her.

"9 days," He says. Ian's eyes go wide, and then for some reason, horribly guilty.

"I'm so sorry," He mumbles, tears filling his eyes. Mickey glances back at Mandy for support, eyes wide and desperate, but she just stares at him in disbelief. He curses and turns back to Ian, slightly uneasy.

"The fuck are you sorry for?" He says, hoping it doesn't sound too harsh. Ian shrugs vaguely and stares around the room for a bit. His eyes are drooping shut, unfocused and dark.

"I feel kinda sick," He says quietly.

"We'll get you better," Mickey replies without thinking. He wonders where all this is coming from, being so soft with this stupid ginger fuck. The thing that's terrifying him most is that he means it.Ian glances up at him sleepily, face soft.

"Thank you. I love you."

There it is again. Mickey can feel himself tense up, along with the air in the room.

He tosses a glare over his shoulder, hoping the Gallaghers will take the hint and fuck off, but then he remembers that their brother has been in a coma for over a week, and he's swooped .

If he's going to say something, it's going to be quick, and he's going to get out of there. He turns back to Ian and takes a deep breath.

"I love you too, man," He breathes.

Ian smiles so widely his lip busts open, and blood starts trickling down his chin.

Mickey kisses him anyway.


End file.
